What to do when Life kicks you in the balls.

Excuse my French here, but life can be shit. And when it is shit, it doesn’t do it by half. Life rains down upon you like hellfire and brimstone, throwing debt and morality at you like an absurdist cricket game, taunting you with every negativity you can think of. I’ll admit, life has not been an easy, breezy walk in the park for me in the last seven or so months. Instead of moping about it (which I am very good at doing), I‘ve decided to take a different approach this time. Here, I’ve collected my top tried and tested tips on how to alleviate Life’s horrible antics and ways to come to terms with her mean ways. I’m not saying these will work for everyone, I’m not even saying they work for me all of the time, but they have been successful in the past. So, this is for those who have been bullied by Life, whether that be through grief, relationship stress, money troubles, or Life has just beaten you up in loads of different ways and now you find it hard to get up. I hope you get something worthwhile out of reading this, whether that be you feel better, you are amused, or you find my writing so atrocious that it makes you feel better about yourself. Let’s begin.

1. Don’t dwell on the situation

Ah yes, a lovely easy one to start off the list. Not. When Life has decided to kick you in the balls, it is all you can think about. It plays on your mind non-stop, and ignoring it is nigh on impossible. However, don’t forcibly think of the situation. Don’t force it to the surface constantly. Allow yourself to be distracted, don’t feel guilty for that. If Life is going to keep hitting you with reminders every hour, there’s no point wasting the other 59 minutes stewing in sadness.

2. Have a hot bath

Or a shower, both would work. I wouldn’t recommend having a shower and a bath at the same time though; no-one likes a flooded bathroom. As Sylvia Plath says ‘there must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them.' Man, this is my mantra. By having a hot bath, I find myself relaxed and unable to focus on anything else other than my book and my glasses steaming up. Just make sure the bath isn’t too hot; you don’t need second degree burns making Life an even more difficult task.

3. Do what boosts your endorphins!

Now for some people this involves waking up super early, and jogging out in the forest for hours on end. For others, this involves shoving a tonne of chocolate and red wine into their body. Find what boosts your endorphins, find what gives you that little lift, and do a bit of it each day. PSA: this is not me saying it is fine to drink a bottle of wine a day. It may fix some problems, but I can assure you that they’ll be worse in the morning.

4. Drown your soul in Netflix and YouTube

I, for one, recently drowned my soul and sorrows in ‘The People VS OJ Simpson’ and the Amanda Knox documentary. Now, they may seem a little hard hitting, especially if you’ve got Life running after you with a machete, but I found them really good as a distraction. Why? Because my problems do not involve a celebrity murder case, John Travolta, and a five day murderous romance in Italy. I could get completely sucked in and focus solely on storyline without anything reminding me of my own problems. I’m sure, watching Zoolander and Louis Theroux could also alleviate some symptoms of Life.

5. Make sure you eat and drink

Easy-peasy, but you don’t think to do it when your mind is elsewhere. Eat your veggies to make sure you don’t get a cold. Drink so water so you stay hydrated. Treat yo’ self because you deserve it.

6. Accept that you are in a world of pain

Your heart is hurting. Your chest is pounding. Your head is swimming. And that’s fine. Life is beating you up with a hammer, you are allowed to feel pain. You may not have any control over the situation you are in, or the feelings you are having. It is only when you stop fighting the pain you are in, that it can begin to get better. Accept that you are in a world of pain. You can survive it, I promise.

7. Venture outside

Oh man, I hate this tip, I never want to do it. When Life hates me, I hate Life and I just want to sit down and not get up. Unfortunately, going outside does work. Walk the dog, look at the flowers in the garden, stand in your door way looking out at the horrible rain and then go back inside. Feel the air on your face, move from the house a little bit, and know that the world is still turning outside.

8. Get on with it

This is a little bit harsh but it’s true. Life may be kicking you in the balls and you may be smothered in pain, but get on with it. Get on with living as you were. It may be difficult as you’ve got one more thing to worry about, but the world will not stop for you. It won’t. So, you’ve got to continuing moving on and loving those that you love and doing what you need to do. Get on with it for the sake of your friends and family and for yourself. It’s harsh but true. Getting on with life as normal may help you forget the pain, or even alleviate it. Try it, it may help.

9. Cry

This is my favourite tip. Let it all out. Howl. Scream and punch pillows. Cry to your loved ones. Sob until you can’t sob anymore. Get red in the face and have blood shot eyes and have a runny nose and cry and cry and cry. Let out all of the pain and the anger. Bottling it up certainly won’t work; we’re like a shaken bottle of Coke, bottling it up will just make a mess.

10. Know you are good

Know that even if you have messed up to the highest degree, if your world is ending, if you are confused to the heavens, if you feel jilted, if you are alone, if you have failed – there is good in you. Life may want to beat you down and that may make you feel weak and useless. Just remember, you still have good in you. You may not see it now, but you do.